Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Help Us Pull Steny's Coat

House minority whip Steny Hoyer (D, MD) seems to think that Stephen Colbert "crossed a line" of propriety in his keynote at last week's White House correspondents' dinner, and Rep. Hoyer has boldly come out in defense of President Bush.

"What's that?" you say: "a Democratic leader in Congress dissing one of the most lucid and clarion (not to mention hilarious) moments in the history of American political rhetoric?" (in case you're among the three people who missed Colbert's monologue, you can find it here).

Maybe you think, as we do here at Daily Rev, that Colbert hit his target squarely and appropriately; that no lines were crossed except those surrounding the hyperinflated egos of the Crawford Coward and his merry band of media lapdogs.

Well, if you do, then here's your chance to remind Rep. Hoyer what party he belongs to and what Americans really feel about the Colbert moment. We've offered some suggested text below (copy and paste it into the field you'll find at the next link); you can use that or your own. Then just send it straight to Mr. Hoyer; or you can snail-mail him a pleasant note. If you'd like to call his office to verbally deliver your message, his number is (202) 225-4131.

A message for Rep. Hoyer, regarding his remarks on Stephen Colbert:

Dear Rep. Hoyer: just where do you think you come off, criticizing Stephen Colbert for handing your political opponents and their media lapdogs a faceful of unvarnished truthiness? Or are you one of those Zell Miller, kiss-up/kick-down type of Democrats? Well, maybe it's time you joined the rest of us who think that Bush and his coterie are a pack of criminals who need to routed out of Washington ASAP. Unless, of course, you're changing your political stripes at what looks like a very inopportune time. Oh, and by the way, you've got a brown stain on your nose, did you know?

A little follow-up on this, because it seems I'm not done venting yet: Mr. Hoyer, if you think that the office of the President deserves respect, then my answer is, "when a person worthy of respect happens to occupy that office, then it earns my respect." But if you expect me to respect a man and an administration guilty of international murder; domestic theft; criminal neglect both at home and abroad; and the most violent and intolerable acts of villainy, corruption, and arrogance—then you will come up empty among roughly two-thirds of this nation's voting public, if I read my polls correctly. In short, I've had it up to my teeth with false, cloying, effete, unctuous, Janus-faced, contemptible Democrats like you, Zell Miller, Lierbermann, and the rest of your ilk. You are a sore upon the Democratic party, and the sooner you are removed, the better. You make me want to vomit, sucking up like that to tyrants. NO office is worthy of respect if the person holding it is a criminal. NO seat in Congress (even—ooh—if you're a whip!) is worthy of respect if a toadying, double-talking shadow of a man occupies it. There is no time or space for fear anymore, Mr. Hoyer, because the worst that can happen has already begun in this nation and on this planet. So for once in your miserable, humpbacked career, stand up for what's right; look Power straight in the eye and say "I accuse you!" Just like Stephen Colbert did the other night.

There, that's it. I think I feel better.


liberal journal man said...

You've hit the nail on the head about Colbert. The criticism is surprisingly shallow. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

What a dumb shit you are. My favorite part is that you actually quote yourself. No one with any importance or sway in this country gives a shit about your impotent, bombastic internet rants. Colbert had guts to do what he did. You just have a book about HTML and a charged up Starbucks card.

Brian Donohue said...

Note to the brave "anonymous": of course I quote myself—no unpleasant copyright issues to deal with, you know. As for "people of importance and sway"—how about Dick Cheney emerging from his covey, an empty bottle of Wild Turkey amdist spent shells and blood?